Baby Boy,
I never thought I'd have a son. When I
was growing up, my world was always filled with females – sisters,
stepsisters, mostly girl cousins...we would often joke that our
family just knew how to make girls. I always knew that I wanted
children, and I always felt that I would like to experience having
both a son and a daughter, but I kind of prepared myself for the
continuation of the trend. Thankfully, it was not to be as I
imagined.
The day we discovered you were a 'he',
I teared up with joy, for you had become a reality that I dared not
hope for. I was raising a daughter, and I would also have the
privilege of raising a son. It is not a task that I took lightly
then, and it's one that I feel the weight of even more strongly as
you grow.
You are blessed in a way that many
little boys are not. I look around at the world, and I see too many
poor examples of what a man should be. I see men who refuse to fight
for their families, men who do not love their wives and children, and
men who lack the integrity I so long for you to have. But you are
blessed, my son, because you have examples in your life who show you
the way; men who live their lives for others and are willing to do
whatever it takes to run their races with honor. You have your daddy,
and he loves you and me and your sister endlessly and sacrificially,
and you will grow up knowing what it means to be loved and love
others. Not every little boy has that. Take advantage of that
blessing because if you learn to do it well, you will have the
opportunity to give that gift to someone who needs it someday.
I wish I could hold on to every part of
you that won't last. The way you sound French when you say the word
'door'. You caressing your 'comfy blanky' that is wrapped around your face
when I check on you as you sleep. Your silly antics. The big tears you cry over the
littlest things, and even your surly facial expressions (those might last a
while). Though you will one day grow up to be a man, you will always
be my sweet little boy. You will always be the little fella who wraps
his arms tightly around me and puckers up big for a kiss. I will
always hear your little voice say, “I wuv you, Mama.”
I want you to know all of this so you
understand when I get a little blurry-eyed at times in your life. I
can't even think about how much I love you for too long without the
tears welling up. But as you grow up, I take comfort in thinking
about the man you will one day become. The world can never have too
many of the good ones, my boy. You are three today, but you will be
33 before I know it. You have many more years ahead of you for learning and having
fun and driving me crazy and holding my heart, but it
will all go by too quickly. These past three years already have.
During the first hour after you were born, I watched you intently, unable to process the love and awe I felt at your presence in this world. I will never stop marveling at you and all that you have brought into this life.
Hold on to what Daddy and I teach you.
We love you more than you may ever know.
Happy Birthday, Biscuits.
Love, Mama
