I Don't Want To Be Controversial

Many years ago – back when my children were just a distant dream – some friends and I were hanging out and ended up taking one of those silly magazine quizzes. I think it had something to do with values, and the idea behind it was that most men chose one set of answers while most women chose the other set of answers, but anyway, one of the questions asked which you would rather your children remember you teaching them – right from wrong, or not to hurt others.

Of course I want to be remembered for both, but I could only choose one, and being the softie that I am, I was the only one of the group who chose ‘not to hurt others’ (which is apparently the more common female choice, just in case you were wondering).

An argument ensued about why teaching right from wrong was more important – and I don’t disagree – but the question asked which you wanted to be remembered for. My thinking was that as a nurturer, my role in my children’s life was to teach kindness and compassion, while a father’s role was more about teaching solid values. Both parents should obviously be role models in both of those areas, but I guess I’m simply a traditionalist in feeling that children should remember their mother’s gentleness and remember their father for his discipleship. And ideally those individual roles should mesh together in a beautiful weaving.

Anyway, my purpose in explaining all of that is so that you can perhaps gain a better understanding about a certain aspect of my personality. I do not like to hurt others or see others hurt, so much so that I chose that answer.

I realize most ‘normal’ people don’t want to see others hurt, but I’m talking about being that way to a fault. I probably hold back words when I shouldn’t (I should speak up but don’t for fear of offending someone), and I definitely try too hard. By that I mean I can be overly polite or struggle so hard to say the perfect thing and keep from offending that maybe I just end up annoying instead.

I don’t know – maybe that’s not true. It’s just how I see it.

When I began this blog, my intention was to always keep it encouraging and to steer clear of controversial topics. That isn’t because I don’t find them to be important or because I don’t have strong opinions on current events (I do), but because I asked myself what I wanted this blog to be, and one thing I didn’t want it to be was divisive.

The problem is I’m beginning to see that no topic is completely safe from controversy.

Take a look at my Facebook news feed and you’ll see that I have friends from all walks of life. You’ll see a vast variety of religious, political, and social beliefs, and while I find myself feeling a bit like Samuel L. Jackson at times,

I try my darndest to be respectful.

It’s too easy to be misunderstood in social media. People already have assumptions about you based on the very little they already know, so having web debates never quite feels pure. Sometimes I feel like I’m already being looked at through a dirty lens, you know? So what’s the point?

Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t have discussions about issues that are important to us. I’m all for intelligent discourse. The part that confounds me is when people start getting outright hateful by making far-reaching judgments about entire groups or by allowing their anger to blind them from the implications that exist within their words.

Consider how hurtful your bias may be. Consider what your words truly mean and what they say about you. Consider that your judgment might actually be quite arrogant and born out of experiences from your past that are no longer relevant. Consider that you’re wrong. Consider that even if you are right, the manner in which you speak your words can have profound, lasting effects on the soul to whom you’re speaking.

Or maybe not even to whom you’re speaking – just a passerby who happens to see your post or read your comment.

Luckily, I’m not easily offended. I have a pretty broad sense of humor and a fairly high tolerance for bad manners. But I do get hurt. We all do, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. It’s just unavoidable when we’re in the midst of a social universe unlike one that’s ever previously existed.

More often than not, though, I get angry, and it’s an anger that comes from a place of deep conviction and passion. I’m sure that, especially right now, most of us can relate to that. My hope is that, despite my anger, my words will always come from a place of love – though I know my humanity will prevent me from achieving that.

That’s why I keep quiet. That’s why I stay out of it. I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to offend. I don’t want my passion to put me in a place of vulnerability.

But then again, that’s life, and how am I to avoid it unless I squelch that passion?

Just as in all things in life, there is a balance, and I’m struggling to find it. When do you stay silent, and when do you speak up for what’s right?

Turning My Ineptitude Into Quality Time With Friends

I have always been a terrible artist.

No, really. Like, so bad that my two-year-old daughter can tell I’m no good. So bad that I don’t think my husband has ever not raised an eyebrow when I showed him something I drew. So bad that my stick figures look at me like, “Seriously?”

I’m almost as bad of an artist as I am a singer. You really don’t want to know how bad that is.

So I don’t know why I got it in my head to start playing Draw Something, the iPad app that’s like Pictionary. I guess it’s because no one will play Words With Friends with me. And that’s just as well because it would probably be like grade school all over again when I won too many spelling bees and everyone hated me.

The great thing about Draw Something is that everyone cheats, so you don’t have to be good at it. Perfect for artistically-challenged me.

The way it works is you choose from three different words – easy, medium, or hard – and then use your finger to make the drawing on the screen. The picture then gets sent to the other player, and he/she watches the screen as the drawing is made. Once the correct guess is made, he/she chooses a word and makes a drawing that gets sent back to you.

No one follows any rules, so it gets pretty funny. People often write word clues, and sometimes they just give up and write the answer. And even if it’s a really hard one to guess, you are given letters to unscramble, so it’s not like it’s all that difficult.

It’s just fun. I mean, who doesn’t like drawing silly pictures and laughing at each other?
Even so, I’m still really, really, really bad at drawing. So my cheat? I often google images of my words so I have something to look at while I’m drawing.

Because if I don’t, they end up looking something like this:

Yet when I do use the Internet for inspiration, I can sometimes end up with a gem like this:

Yeah, I’m super proud of that guy. That’s the best it’s ever going to get for me.

But more often than not, I just get really ridiculous:

And, since I have a two-year-old genius who is more proficient with the iPad than I am, it was only a matter of time before she got sneaky and joined in the fun. You'll notice she also used my coins to purchase a new palette of colors. Oy.

I’m impressed. Her word was ‘Pegasus’. I mean, that is a way better constellation than I could ever draw. And she didn’t even use the Internet.

A special shout out to all of you who have stuck with playing with me for this long. I commend you.

*Note* This is not a product endorsement. I was not paid to write this. But clearly, as evidenced by the images above, I did not need to tell you that.

Miscellaneous Monday: Pinterest and Interests

I started to write a more personal blog post, and then I changed my mind. Whenever I get into those deeper thoughts, I start to feel like I’m whining a little, which I hate because I don’t have a single legitimate reason to whine.

Perspective, people.

In truth, things have been quite awesome. I could probably use a little more adult time than I get, but Abram is a far easier baby than his sister was. And oh my goodness, he’s such a sweetie.

Perhaps I’m just a seasoned pro at this parenting thing. Yes. Let’s go with that.

Anyway, what else have I been up to? Well...

I joined Twitter. Then I deleted my account. It’s just as dumb as the first time I tried it. I realize it’s a useful tool for advertising and driving traffic to your website, but I just can’t get into it. Quite frankly, it bores me to tears. And I don’t see how my tweets could make any sort of meaningful impression in the world of tweeting. I’m a little late to the party.

(But no judgment here if you love your Twitter. My name is Rachel, and I’m a Facebook-a-holic.)

Now, Pinterest, on the other hand…I just joined, and so far, so good. There are so many recipes/crafts/projects that I’ve come across on the web in the past that I’ve wanted to try, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten about most of them. Now I can pin them, so there’s no chance of losing them!

So I can have all these boards filled with things that I will never expend the time/energy/resources/money on, and they will just sit there, mocking me.

Hmmm.

See, what happens is something inevitably takes place that prevents you from following through with your grandiose plans. For example, you give birth too close to your other child’s birthday, so her birthday cake goes from plans for this:

http://panambicakes.blogspot.com/2009/11/butterfly-cake.html

to this:

Yes, it’s still a pretty cake, and more importantly, she got to help decorate it, which was no doubt more fun for her, but I’m thinking it might not belong in the pages of a party planning magazine. Still, it will be proudly displayed in our photo album for years to come.

And it came from a box, so it was delicious.

I guess it might not always be feasible to work our awesome ideas and plans into our lives, but regardless, we all love to dream about them. So I like to think of Pinterest as the place where we share our dreams. Kinda like Inception. Without the sinister parts.

What have you been dreaming about lately?