I've wanted to write something. I've tried to gather my swirling thoughts into something coherent for a while now, so I could just have something, anything, to write – because it's like therapy for me – but I've been stuck in a weird place for quite some time.
Aside from giving birth again in a few months, all I've been able to think about, for the most part, is the state of the world we're living in. I go back and forth between wanting to write about current events to raise awareness about issues that are important to me and wanting to go hide in a hole somewhere so I don't have to think about any of it anymore. The latter part has been winning lately, and I often wonder if it will be what wins in the long run. Same goes for spiritual or personal topics or anything else I can think of to write about. The introvert in me is currently full force, and I'm having trouble deciding if I should fight it or not.
My kids are doing and saying the funniest things right now, and I can't even bring myself to write a fun, lighthearted post about them. I feel too bogged down by the weight of it all. But as I find myself writing this, I also find myself thinking that there have to be many others who are experiencing the same weight, the same burdens in this fallen world that humanity forces us to face. So I'm just putting it out there in case someone like me needs the reassurance that there's someone else like them out there - “Me too...I feel it too.”
Surely, we all feel it, though we may each experience it a little differently.
I have a picture of that stupid dress on my phone. You know the one – the infamous photo of a white and gold dress that's (supposedly) actually black and blue, though I'll just have to take everyone's word for it, because for the life of me, no matter how many directions in which I twist my phone or how many times I play around with the brightness, I can only see white and gold. Every time I look at the darn thing, I get so irritated that I can't see the colors for what they truly are. I don't like when my eyes won't let me see the truth. Do you see where I'm going with this?
(I'm honestly over the whole dress debacle, but it makes for a nice metaphor here.)
I wish I could see the big picture. I mean, I suppose that I can sometimes, but I guess I wish I could always see it. I recently looked back over those posts about scripture that I wrote several months ago, and I sort of thought something along the lines of, hey, there's some good insight here...who wrote this? Cause right now, it doesn't feel like it was me. I'm hoping I've just been frozen for a while and am about to experience a thaw. It is spring, after all. Finally.
At least my children have helped me get through this season. They are so great about keeping me from getting frozen too solid. We've had cuddles and milestones and firsts like lost teeth and dance parties in the living room with Daddy and hilarious dialogue, so why in the world do I ever let life stress me out?
Somehow I always end up going back to that C.S. Lewis quote I have on the About page of this blog. I can't keep my heart to myself. It just isn't what we're meant to do. So I'm sharing it with you and hoping you'll share yours too.
It is spring, and I feel the thaw coming.