She's
not asking me why yet. She's a mighty little chatterbox who has lots
of words in her vocabulary – functional words like shoe and milk,
typical words like bye and outside, unusual words like tickle and
clock, and fanciful words that only make sense in her toddler mind –
but 'why' isn't a part of her life yet. She's still focused on the
concrete, the names and the things and the places. The why is a
detail that's harder to reach because we don't know to ask the
question until we've run out of answers. The why requires a journey,
and many times these broken vessels we call our selves never arrive
at the destination.
And
that is why faith can be so hard. 'Why' is not an easy question to
answer. The expectation of hope can be beautiful, but the expectation
of an arrival that has yet to come can be like a tiny flame in a dark
winter night, waiting in peril for the slight draft that will blow it
out.
For
those of us who are experiencing a season of so much anticipation, so
much expectation, while suffering through all the hurt and
disappointment of the seasons before, guarding that candle's flame
can feel like a lost cause. What's the use in protecting a fire that
doesn't appear to give enough light or warmth?
To
everyone who is broken this season, to everyone who is weary and
tired, to everyone who has battled loneliness or loss or addiction,
fear of the unknown, unfulfilled dreams, illness, financial hardship,
painful relationships, or suffering beyond what is even imaginable –
There
is hope on the horizon.
That
is what this season is meant to represent. Though
much of our experience has taught us that
joy is hard to come by and pain will inevitably prevail,
what we've come to expect is not always what
arrives. Joy is coming.
We
hold the candle to invite Him in so that
the peace of His presence can
fulfill what the flame cannot.
When
she's older and asking me harder questions than “Cookie?”, she
may find that at times, the answers don't fulfill the longing. They
aren't meant to. There
is more to seek beyond answers,
beyond
expectations. My
prayer is that asking why would always point her back to 'who'.
We
celebrate. We
prepare. And
we wait with yearning for the joy to come.
