Freedom of Religion - I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

One day long ago in my high school cafeteria, I was approached by several of my peers who asked if I would like to pray with them before lunch. To be completely honest, I didn't want to. I knew it would draw attention to me, and at that time in my life, that was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do. But in support of my friends and because of my belief that prayer is always a good thing, I put my reservations aside and agreed to participate.

We held hands in a circle while one of my friends led the short prayer, and then we began to return to our seats. A group of students a couple of tables over was eyeing us as though we'd just slaughtered a calf in the middle of the lunchroom. “Separation of church and state!” one of them called out.

I had it on the tip of my tongue to retort “FREE EXERCISE THEREOF”, but as I was accustomed to doing, I remained silent.

I'm not quite as content to remain silent as I used to be.

That was my first memorable experience with anti-Christian zealots, but there have been numerous encounters since. In college we argued over whether or not a student organization should be allowed to put up a Christmas tree in the student center. Of course it should, I said. That isn't infringing on anyone's rights. A girl responded, Oh, yeah? How about I go on down there and light a Menorah?

Go ahead, I said.
 

See, I'm all for other religions having rights too. That's the great thing about freedom – it allows you to live by the principles that you choose to follow rather than allowing someone else to make those choices for you. This includes running a company that you own according to your personal values – like giving employees Sundays off, paying them significantly more than the minimum wage, or not providing them with benefits that you believe to be immoral.

 

Ah yes, Hobby Lobby. Corporations are not humans, you say. They don't have rights. I'm sure the thousands of business owners who have shed blood, sweat, and tears over their life's work would disagree with you. The court made the right call on this one. Women have not been denied birth control, and real-life, soul-carrying human beings, who also happen to own companies, have not been denied moral autonomy.

But this is the problem that arises when you start creating more and more laws, more and more restrictions, more and more mandates. You have to start figuring out where to draw the lines. And you end up with lines drawn all over the sand until the tide inevitably comes in and washes them all away.

Religious freedom is so important that it is the first amendment to our Constitution. It is a right that our founding fathers saw fit to put first, but too many people misunderstand it when they cry 'separation of church and state!' That separation not only ensures that you can not be forced to practice a religion, but also guarantees the rights of those who do.

Even so, there are plenty of people who don't think I should have that right and work tirelessly to ensure that I am denied it, little by little, with each passing year. Every June I hear the same story – another graduate who 'shocked' people by deviating from his pre-approved commencement speech. What was so scandalous about his drafts that didn't make the cut? Why, because Christian ideology is taboo, of course. Quote Gandhi all you want, but Jesus Christ? No way. Sure, you can reference Buddha, but those red letters in the New Testament? Sorry pal, that's offensive.

Keep it in your churches, they say. I have the right to not have to see/hear it, they say. Idiots who believe in a thousands-year-old book of fairy tales, they imply, and sometimes go ahead and say.

There is no respect for beliefs in those comments, no understanding of basic rights. But they have the right to think them and say them. They have as much of a right to shout their words from the rooftops as I do to say 'Christ is Lord'.

(And if you think that getting rid of proselytizing sounds like a good idea, try living in a country where it's outlawed.)
 

I am a Christian, and I have no power to force you to become one too. And I wouldn't want to because I value freedom in your life as well. But if you seek to pass laws that will impede my ability to live according to what I believe is right, then you must ask yourself – which side of freedom are you really on?

Not all Christians agree with Hobby Lobby's stance on contraceptives. Not everyone agrees with the words of a Christian high school student's speech. But as Thomas Jefferson pointed out, we can agree that 'religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship'.
 

If we are denied the right to run our businesses according to our consciences or prohibited from freely speaking about our faith, then to whom are we actually being held accountable?
 

I stay silent no more, because I worry about what someone will say to my kids in their high school cafeteria. Or worse yet, I worry that they will never have the opportunity for someone to say something to them at all.

On Which We Stand

My precious children,

There is something I've never quite learned how to do that I hope you always do well. It's something that is easy for many people, or at least seems to be. It's something that comes naturally for some, while others have to work at it, but I'm reminded of my inability to do it well each time I hear three simple words, and I've been told those words more times in my life than I can count. No matter how often I hear them, I am always taken aback.

But I AM standing up straight, I always think. What do you mean?

But I'm not. I'm often slouching, and although I've tried hard to correct it over the years, it's too difficult to constantly be conscious of it, and that's what it takes for me – to be continually aware of it so I can force my shoulders back into an acceptable posture, one that proves I have it all together, just like I'm supposed to.

Some of us wear our hurts in a much more visible way than others. We are overweight because we eat to fill the void. We are too thin because of years of internal struggles. Our eyes are bloodshot from all of the stress. Our shoulders droop because we are weary.

Some of us are better at hiding all of it. But none of us escapes it.

 

I wish I could tell you that life will always go exactly how you had planned, that all your dreams will come true, that you will never make mistakes, that no one will ever hurt you. But I can't tell you any of that because the opposite is pretty much guaranteed, no matter how hard it is for you to believe that right now.

You are safe when you are in Mommy's arms, you are protected in Daddy's embrace, and your tiny world is so innocent, as innocent as it will ever be, and oh how I wish that could always be so.

The truth is some days will be hard. Some days will be so easy that you'll try to remember what you were even complaining about before. And most days you'll probably feel a little out of place in this world.

The key to making it through every type of day that you face lies in those three words: stand up straight. Stand up for what's right and good and pure and true, and stand up proudly. Look the world in the eye because you are worth far more than it tells you that you are.

You will not be liked – or loved – by everyone. It doesn't matter how nice you are, how pretty, how funny, how smart. There will always be someone who doesn't like what you stand for and decide that you are not worthy. But you are worthy. You are worthy in a way that you may never fully comprehend.

You can't control everything, but the good news is no one can. The even greater news is that your joy is not dependent upon your circumstances. It's always possible to hold your head up, even when you feel as though there is something impossible weighing it down.

It is because these things are true that is precisely why you should heed the advice of those three words. Your life matters. It has purpose. It has meaning. Remember that and lift your chin when someone tells you differently.

It has always been tempting to me to try to hide, for fear that someone might find a flaw, but I've also seen the hope that can be found in those flaws. I've seen the good that comes from being real. It makes all the difference in the world when you know who you are and on what you stand. So yes, dear kids, stand up straight, stand up tall, but more importantly, stand on solid ground.

Make sure it's a rock that's holding you up.

The War On Princesses: Please Just Let My Little Girl Be A Girl

Nearly every morning this winter I’ve had to convince my daughter that wearing a summer dress in forty degree weather is not a good idea. I’ve had to tell her that yes, her sparkly sandals are pretty, but they’re probably not the best choice for playing outside.

And she does enjoy playing outside. She doesn’t mind getting dirty in the backyard and loves ‘going exploring’ with her brother. She’d just rather be doing it in a frilly floral dress.

 

I was a tomboy as a kid, so I can’t really relate. Wear a dress? No thanks, how am I supposed to climb trees in that? Her propensity for sparkles and pink certainly did not come from me. I’d have chosen Batman & Robin over princesses and fairies.

This is how I know that her love of ‘pretty things’ – which was specifically what she asked for at Christmas – did not come from any encouragement on my part. I’m still that way – I don’t spend much time on hair and makeup, I’ve never seen much use in ‘bling’ (other than my wedding ring), and, apart from undergarments, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that I own that is pink. And I think my daughter notices because she seems particularly excited when I wear anything other than tennis shoes. “Ooooh, you look so pretty, mama!”

Yet, despite my lack of girlishness, here I am with a child who sleeps with a stuffed pink unicorn (named Vanilla-Pea, which we think is her take on Penelope) and absolutely wants to be a princess. At first I wondered – should I discourage this behavior? And then I wised up.

As I see more and more about ‘gender neutrality’ popping up everywhere, I can’t help but wonder where this obsession with trying to squelch natural tendencies comes from. Why is it wrong for a girl to be girly? To prefer the pink and purple legos over the multi-colored ones?

If there was a gender study conducted in my living room, there is no doubt it would be concluded that boys and girls are inherently different. My little girl would rather tuck her barbies and mermaids into bed and say, “Shhh, they’re sleeping,” while my little boy would rather leap headfirst off the couch and barrel through the house with his trucks, ramming them into walls, all while roaring like a dinosaur.

I realize research in my living room wouldn’t be very scientific, but after speaking with many parents of boys and girls, I believe this scenario is typical in many households. The thing I don’t get is why people have such a dadgum problem with it.

Yes, I want her to learn about all the possibilities the world holds for her, but I don’t think her innate femininity is something to be attacked, as though it would hold her back. I’m not ruining her by allowing her to watch Cinderella. If you don’t think there are good lessons to be found in even the most basic of princesses, you’re not paying close enough attention.

Do you know what is awesome about Cinderella? She was able to find joy, despite her awful situation. She was stuck in a prison of sorts, and yet she woke up in the morning, opened the window, and sang with the birds. That’s epic, right there. That’s Andy playing the opera music over the loudspeaker in The Shawshank Redemption. It’s a rare quality we’ve forgotten about in today’s instant gratification world. And yet it can be found in CINDERELLA.

In the messages we don’t agree with, there are lessons to be taught. Cinderella falls in love with the prince at the ball, and it’s my opportunity as a mother to tell my daughter about the qualities to look for in a husband and tell her how silly it is to fall in love with someone you just met. Boom. Simple as that.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We can’t make sure the world around our children reflects everything we want them to see. There are many types of messages she will face in her life, and it is my job as a parent to help her make sense of them.

Look, I get it. We don’t want our daughters to be bombarded with stereotypes and sexualization that could change the way they see their worth. That’s a valid concern and another topic entirely. And it’s honorable to question what is being put in front of our children, but if our biggest worry is how many legos are in the Lego Princess Castle, or what color they are, then we’re focusing on the wrong things.

My daughter already talks about one day when she is a mama. She values motherhood, family, femininity…these are beautiful values to cherish. But sometimes I wonder if they are falling by the wayside as success and worldly gain take the front seat.

It is so incredibly important to teach our daughters there is more to life than beauty, but sometimes we have a tendency to take a good thing so far into one direction that it becomes complete nonsense. And sometimes I wonder if I might have turned out differently if I hadn’t always been told that being ‘girly’ was stupid.

Part of the reason why this issue bothers me is because I get the feeling that some people out there just don’t like who my daughter is. She’s not supposed to be her gender – she’s supposed to be neutral, and I’m supposed to raise her as such. But it would be too easy for me, as a non-princess lover, to discourage her from her interests that are different from mine and different from others. So instead I’ll raise her to embrace the unique qualities she possesses – even if they don’t fit the mold, even if society doesn’t care for it much.

I think we’re making too big of a deal out of girls who want to be girls and boys who want to be boys. It’s our ability to choose that builds the foundation of our lives, and I will never ask for that to be taken away.

The Pursuit Of Love In The New Year

My four-year-old daughter and I argue a lot – about who loves the other the most.

“I don't think so, Hannah. I don't think you could possibly love me more than I love you. A mama's love is the biggest.”

“No, Mama,” she says. “My love is the winner. I love you so much...it's SO bigger...” She stretches her arms out in front of me. “It will take all day long.”

All day long. Now that's a big kind of love.

I have thought about the concept of love a great deal throughout this Christmas season. Those ideas of love and grace and peace that are tied in with our Savior just seemed to have permeated this year's holiday in particular for me – and led me to ponder 'what is love' in a deeper way than ever before.

It's no secret that I'm a Christian who believes that God's love is absolutely unconditional, but I could likely never fully convince you of that if you're reluctant to believe it. I do, however, understand why there's so much reluctance. We're not God, so we fail at love.

 

For me, the most beautiful and striking description of God's love in scripture is that it's unfailing:

“Love never fails.” - 1 Corinthians 13:8. “The earth is full of His unfailing love.” - Psalm 33:5.

It's constant. It's everlasting. It's incapable of fault. Without flaw.

It's perfect.

I have never experienced that kind of love from another human being. I've certainly caught glimpses of it in others, in the significant but fleeting moments of my life, but how could we ever make perfection everlasting when what we know of love in this world is so broken?

There's an eternity to God's love that most of us don't see in the human examples in our lives. That's why our concepts of love can be so vastly different from each other, and also why they can be so incredibly messed up.

Truthfully, I tend to get frustrated this time of year when I see how often God, who is love, gets rejected while other types of 'love' are so readily accepted and embraced.

Does 'unfailing love' mean getting everything we want? Does it mean always tolerating any behavior and never encouraging that it be made better? Does it mean it's okay to be abandoned or used and make promises we'll never keep? Does it mean giving conditional love and expecting unconditional in return?

You would think so, given how human beings treat each other and what we seem to expect from God. We're broken. And our own experiences are too deeply woven into our ideas about love that our past hurts prevent us from truly understanding what 'unconditional' or 'unfailing' love looks like.

There's far too much failure. We are not good enough examples of love for one another. And we are rarely looking to the right source for our example. It's patient and kind, not proud. Not self-seeking. Not keeping score. It's not the selfish mess that we see everywhere we turn.

He loves us all day long. Every day. No matter what. Until forever.

I truly can't imagine what life would look like if we learned how to love like that. Yet it's what we were born to do – love one another. We should pursue it the way that it pursues us, in an endlessly steadfast, unrelenting sort of way. Never giving up on finding it and learning how to truly give it. That's the kind of New Year's Resolution we should all jump at the chance to make.