Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Toy Ideas: A Not-So-Serious Christmas Gift Guide For Toddlers

As the Christmas holiday rapidly approaches, I once again find myself confused and overwhelmed by the overabundance of beeping, flashing, jangly toys on the market. Most of the stuff out there is just junk that will get tossed in the toy box and forgotten long before the stockings even come down, but sometimes I get lucky and discover a toy that actually entertains my kids beyond Christmas morning. 

We all want to give our children a magical Christmas, but how can we be sure we will get our money’s worth out of a toy purchase? Well, in an effort to help fellow parents weed through all of the unsatisfactory toys and find the ones that will actually provide hours of entertainment, I’ve put together a list of playthings that will undoubtedly spur squeals of glee from your little one.

If my little guy could write a letter to Santa, he would likely include the following in his wish list:

10) Packets of OatmealWhy bother with fancy maracas or drums when your child can let his inner percussionist out by gleefully thwacking together these crinkly casings of fun? Extra fun if one happens to rip open, sending oats flying everywhere.

9) Random TrinketsThis generally includes items your older child discards haphazardly, such as stickers, candy wrappers, marker lids, and other various choking hazards. Fun for you as well – nothing is quite as exciting as watching your toddler pick up a freaky purple spider and shove it in his mouth, only to discover that it’s just one of those plastic rings left over from Halloween.

8) A Giant Pile of Freshly Squeezed Dog TurdIt doesn’t cost a dime, unless you count the animal that provides it and the food required to create it, and Play Doh is highly overrated anyway.

7) Measuring TapeDrape it, drag it, fling it, wag it…with this toy, one thing is certain – it will never, EVER actually be in the drawer it’s supposed to be kept in.
Baby Likes Playing In The Laundry Basket

6) Plastic/Cardboard ContainersThe recycling bin is a veritable treasure trove of Christmas goodies.  Nothing says playtime quite like a tampon box or a mostly-empty bottle of coffee creamer.

5) DVDs, Books, or anything else kept on a shelfThe more important/expensive the item, the better, and all you have to do to ensure that it gets played with is stack the item as neatly as possible amongst other important/expensive items.

4) Remote ControlIn the middle of an intense moment of your favorite television show? That’s exactly when this item will most often be played with. Just make sure this is easily accessible to your little one, and it won’t be long before you’ll kick the television habit – an added bonus for you!

3) Laundry BasketPush toys? No, laundry basket. Rocking animal toy? No, laundry basket. Expensive playhouse? No – laundry basket. The epitome of versatility, this item never loses its appeal. And somehow never gets used for laundry.

2) A Stocked PantryOnce again, who needs a fancy playhouse? There is so much delight to be discovered within…
Playing In The Pantry
And finally,

1) Toilet Paper  And it's even better when it's already in the toilet.

So there you have it – a list of toys that your children would love to have but that you most likely will not purchase for them for Christmas…

Because then they probably wouldn’t want to play with them anymore.