Feelings, Feelings, Feelings...And Perspective

You know how sometimes, as a woman (if you are one), or perhaps simply as a blue personality, you just have times in your life when you experience a great deal of emotion?

It’s not that you’re simply sad or depressed or any one definable emotion…you’re just feeling a lot. And it doesn’t necessarily stem from something specific, but perhaps it’s a combination of many things all affecting you at once?

That’s what I’ve been experiencing lately.  And whenever I have these bouts of heightened sensibility, or whatever you might call it, I have a hard time pinpointing what it is derived from.
Though I’m not sure why I’ve been so delicate lately, I know there are several things that have deeply affected me.

Feeling frustrated with doing the same thing day in and day out and never feeling accomplished.

Feeling lonely and sorry for myself as I wish that I had more family around to help out.

Feeling like I’m at the breaking point with dealing with Baby Boy’s crankiness, only for him to be hit with illness and finding out what cranky really looks like.

Feeling brokenhearted and crying for someone I’ve never met who went into early labor and lost her twin boys.

And then feeling like a jerk for feeling frustrated when I should be feeling grateful that I have a sick baby to hold.

That’s a lot of feeling, right?

I generally have a pretty good perspective on things, but sometimes I fall into those ‘feeling’ traps and lose the positivity.

But when I do, it doesn’t take much for me to get turned back around. It’s almost as though God thwacks me on the head and says, “Hey, look. It could be so much worse, ya know?”

I know. I especially know when I think back to some of the harder times that have been, or even when I think forward to some of the harder times that have yet to be. This life holds so much. I guess all the pain and fear and wonder and beauty just gets to be too much sometimes.

Last night Abram had a lot of trouble sleeping since he’s so congested. All he could do was cry, so I cuddled with him until he finally calmed down. We laid there and stared at each other, and as he gazed up at me with those big blue eyes, he even gave me a little smile. He’s sick and hurting and tired, and he could still smile when he saw my face.

How’s that for a lesson?

Life is sprinkled with those moments, and maybe that’s why it’s so easy to get lost in emotions. There’s so much to feel. And maybe, even though it’s hard sometimes, that’s better than not feeling at all.